Deliberative Citizenship Initiative

Building Democracy One Conversation at a Time

Heidi Meyer

Intellectual Humility and the Power of Questions

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Photo of zipper

Heidi Meyer ’23 (DCI Fellow)

“Do you know how a zipper works?” “Yes,” I quickly answered confidently on the survey, reflecting that I’ve used zippers my whole life on clothing, my shoes, backpacks, and more. My confidence slowed when the next question came: “Please explain in the writing response below how a zipper works.” I paused. After a bit of thinking, I wrote “I realize now I do not know how a zipper works.” 

This example was a successful lesson for me in intellectual humility. This Perspectives module, which was a part of my DCI training, had totally convinced me to completely change my viewpoint and I wasn’t angry or defensive, but rather astonished and impressed with how much my view had changed so quickly. 

The first takeaway for me was that I don’t know as much as I think I know. While there are many topics that I could give a stance on or may have learned about in the past through a class or personal research, I often forget details or don’t look deeply into topics before taking a stance. 

The beauty of intellectual humility is that it is positive. There is always more anyone can learn on any subject. Therefore everyone should be open to learning more information and with new information, changes in beliefs or stances may come. If society can learn to embrace intellectual humility and a growth mindset around learning, it would help combat polarization. People would be more willing to engage with someone who holds a different viewpoint, as every conversation would pose an opportunity to learn and grow. This doesn’t mean that everyone will change their core beliefs after one conversation, but it does mean that you can learn about someone, humanize them, and sympathize with why they might hold a different view than you do. 

The second lesson for me was the power of questions. The efficacy of a question to diplomatically disarm someone is powerful and can not only help someone change their mind but can also help protect a relationship from being harmed by a disagreement. Most people become defensive when their views and especially core beliefs are challenged. But asking genuine questions to understand where someone is coming from, however, can help you learn about their reasoning and simultaneously encourage them to reflect on their reasoning. This self-reflection is often more effective in getting someone to realize their mistake than telling someone why they are wrong. In the zipper example, I was completely convinced to change my mind to a completely different perspective due to one question asking me to explain my stance. 

While zippers are a niche topic, the lesson applies to other subjects such as politics, workplaces, and personal relationships. Asking people to explain their positions is an effective way to help them think through their position and defend it. The answers can help you understand where someone is coming from or help that individual consider other perspectives if they realize they aren’t as sure as they thought they were about why they held such a stance. 

In today’s modern polarized society, questions are a simple but effective way to come together, whether through learning about the other side or encouraging people to be more curious and openminded. When asking questions, be mindful to also ask yourself why you hold the views you do and to remain intellectually humble even if you have answers to your own questions.  There is always more you can learn that may change the way you think and feel.

“Only a Sith Deals in Absolutes:” Tips for Productive Confrontation

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Yoda image with blurred background

“Yoda Figurine,” by Kate Haskell, licensed under CC BY 2.0

By Heidi Meyer, DCI Fellow

Times have changed since Yoda said, “Only a Sith deals in absolutes.” Nowadays it seems most people speak in absolutes. Walking around campus, which is supposed to be an incubator of thought-provoking and open-minded discussions, I frequently hear statements such as “Ew, they’re a Republican,” or “I don’t want to talk to a crazy liberal,” or “I hate talking about politics.” 

None of these mindsets are productive. Making assumptions about someone’s beliefs or characters based on a broad label, or completely shunning a topic due to its potential to stir up emotions and controversy makes us as individuals and as a society more polarized and less suited to deal with the increasing number of serious problems we face.

We, therefore, need to change the negative connotations around confrontation. Instead of fearing that if two people disagree on a topic, chaos will ensue, we need to practice leaning into disagreements and intentionally practicing having discussions and deliberations on sensitive topics. Confrontation is something that does not have to divide individuals, but instead can be a productive tool to help people come together. 

I’ve always had an affinity for confrontation, stemming from my experiences with debate in high school, which showed me how productive confrontation can be in helping individuals grow and communicate effectively and respectfully. Here are a few of the most important lessons I learned.

1) Seek first to understand before seeking to be understood. 

In the type of debate I did, participants would not know what side they would be arguing for until a coin flip at the start of each round. This meant that participants had to prepare arguments for both sides, which provided an important framework that there was no side with no good arguments defending it. Both sides had logical reasons for their stance, and it was up to each side to best articulate those reasons and weigh them against the other. This format forced participants to be open-minded enough to put themselves in the shoes of each side and try to understand the reasons behind those stances. 

2) Each side must actively listen to the other in order to respond effectively. 

To be successful in debate, one couldn’t ignore the other side, walk away, or make rude faces or comments. This is also true when trying to make important progress in life. Shutting out the other side without listening or trying to understand where they are coming from is not productive. When people feel attacked, it makes them defensive and less likely to compromise, halting progress.

3) Asking questions is an effective way to make a point 

In debate, there were specific sections of each round designated for asking questions. Through this structure, I learned that questions are useful in pointing out flaws in the logic of an argument without making the other side defensive. Questions can disarm people and force them to evaluate the reasoning behind their stances, making them more open to changing their minds if they cannot come up with an effective answer to the question. 

4) Be respectful

To make a question or any other type of point more effective, a respectful and inquisitive, rather than aggressive, tone is essential. A big part of debate was about presentation and those who were rude or aggressive tended to distract from their arguments, while those who were respectful and more diplomatic tended to deliver their arguments in a more convincing manner. 

All of these lessons apply far beyond the context of debate and are important for productive deliberations. As Walter Sinnott-Armstrong said, “We cannot address a problem if we cannot talk about it,” and I think these lessons are a great place to start the conversation.